Tame public speaking anxiety: Avoid the "tells" of nervousness
Mary ·
Before You Start
Goal: Leave able to spot the "tells" of nervousness in your own speaking and practice counteracting them.
Watch: Taming Adrenaline, Part 3: Avoiding the "Tells" of Nervousness — Members are encouraged to watch beforehand, but a quick recap at the meeting works too.
Brought to you by Cara Hale Alter, founder of SpeechSkills and author of The Credibility Code: How to Project Confidence and Competence When It Matters Most. For more tips, videos, training options, and free resources, visit speechskills.com/LeanIn.
Key Takeaways
| Symptoms of Nervousness (What you feel) | "Tells" of Nervousness (What you show) |
|---|---|
| Rapid heart rate | Small posture/small voice |
| Dry mouth | Asymmetrical stance |
| Butterflies or nausea | Hands locked down |
| Increased perspiration | Facial gestures "masked" |
| Clouded thinking | Self-touch |
| Flushing | Eyes and nose not aligned |
| Tense or shaking muscles | Tail wagging |
Most symptoms of nervousness are not clearly visible to an observer—but these "tells" of nervousness often are. With a little forethought and practice, the tells can be corrected so that you appear confident in spite of any anxiety you may feel.
Meeting Agenda · Approx. 60 mins
- Member Updates · 10 mins
- Icebreaker · 10 mins
- Activities · 20 mins
- One Action · 10 mins
- Wrap-Up · 5 mins
👋 Member Updates · 10 mins
Go around your Circle and share personal updates. Keep them brief and focused on significant changes or important decisions since the last time you met. It's OK not to have one every month. If you have a One Action update from last time, share that too.
🧊 Icebreaker · 10 mins
Invite everyone in the group to share. Keep answers to one or two minutes per person.
When you experience speaking anxiety, what symptoms do you most often feel? Do you think any of these symptoms are visible to an outside observer?
🏋️ Activity 1 ·
Discussion
- When you experience speaking anxiety, what tells are you most likely to show?
- In the future, what specific behaviors can you adjust to counteract your nervous tells?
- How will you practice these behaviors in advance? Think about how you can plan to do so.
🏋️ Activity 2 · 10 mins
Show Your Nervousness; Then Counteract It
Break into pairs and take turns talking for 60 seconds about your favorite vacation spots. In this round, try to deliberately show as many tells of nervousness as possible.
Next, try the exercise again but, this time, work hard to eliminate these nervous behaviors. Note that it helps to focus on strong posture, strong voice, and strong eye contact.
🎯 One Action · 10 mins
Commit to one concrete action — big or small — you'll take before next meeting. Go around the Circle and share (1 minute or less per member). Vocalizing it helps hold each other accountable.
Choose one nervous tell from your list and practice correcting it whenever you speak, whether in a meeting, a presentation, or a conversation. Come back ready to share what you noticed.
📅 Wrap-Up · 5 mins
Before you break, plan your next meeting and close on an energetic note. Go around your Circle one by one and finish the sentence:
Now I am feeling… (choose one word).
- Set the day, time, and location
- Choose the next topic or resource
- Confirm who's leading the discussion
- Decide how you'll stay in touch in between