How to handle being the only one in the room

Being the only woman in the room can be isolating. Here's how to build success and supportive networks.

Before You Start

Goal: Explore the experience of being the "Only": the only woman, or the only person of a particular background, in the room. Build strategies for finding support, affirming your capabilities, and advocating for more inclusion.

Watch: "How to handle being the only one in the room." Members are encouraged to watch beforehand, but a quick recap at the meeting works too.

Meeting Agenda · Approx. 60 mins

  • Member Updates · 10 mins
  • Icebreaker · 10 mins
  • Key Takeaways · 5 mins
  • Activity 1: Describe the Only experience · 10 mins
  • Activity 2: Affirm your accomplishments · 10 mins
  • Activity 3: Identify your network · 10 mins
  • One Action · 3 mins
  • Wrap-Up · 7 mins

👋 Member Updates · 10 mins

Go around your Circle and share personal updates. Keep them brief and focused on significant changes or important decisions since the last time you met. It's OK not to have one every month. If you have a One Action update from last time, share that too.

🧊 Icebreaker · 10 mins

Invite everyone in the group to share. Keep answers to one or two minutes per person.

How does it feel when you're NOT the only person in the room who shares your background or identity?

💡 Key Takeaways · 5 mins

Onlys are people who are the only woman or the only person of a particular background in a room. They are more likely to have challenging experiences at work, research shows. For "double Onlys," the experience can be even more difficult.

  • The Only experience is real. Onlys are more likely to feel under pressure to perform, on guard, left out, closely watched, and like their actions reflect on people like them.
  • Building a support network helps. Connecting with others who share your background—inside or outside your organization—provides validation, advice, and affirmation.
  • Affirming your accomplishments is a tool. Keeping a record of your achievements helps you stay grounded in your capabilities on challenging days.

🏋️ Activity 1: Describe the Only experience · 10 mins

The moderator will read the list below. Each time you hear something that you've experienced, raise your hand.

  • You felt under pressure to perform
  • You felt on guard
  • You felt left out
  • You felt closely watched
  • You felt that your actions would reflect on people like you
  • You experienced disrespectful comments or actions, such as having your competence questioned or being mistaken for someone more junior

Have everyone share a brief reflection on their experience (1 minute or less per person).

🏋️ Activity 2: Affirm your accomplishments · 10 mins

Taking care of yourself on challenging days is crucial. This is relevant for everyone, but especially when you're an Only. One powerful way to do this is to create a folder highlighting your accomplishments, both big and small.

Take 5 minutes to reflect on your accomplishments at work and document them in a format that works for you—a document, a phone note, or a physical notebook. The goal is to create an accessible record you can refer to on challenging days.

To get started, write down:

  • The biggest challenges you've faced and overcome at work
  • Your educational attainments, languages, technical skills, and professional expertise
  • Times when you negotiated for something and received it
  • The biggest projects you've finished over your career
  • Any positive feedback you've received in the past year

Then go around the Circle and have each person share one item from their list that they're proud of (up to 1 minute per person). Applaud each person for their achievement.

🏋️ Activity 3: Identify your network · 10 mins

Talking with someone who shares your background about the challenges you both experience at work can be helpful and cathartic, especially when you're an Only in your workplace or team.

Take 5 minutes to brainstorm a list of colleagues who work in your field and/or in similar roles. They can be more junior, more senior, or at the same level as you. You can also add organizations for women in your field to this list.

Then go around the Circle and have each person share what they are looking for in a connection and who they have on their list. After each person shares, leave space for the group to offer suggestions.

✍️ Write It Down · 2 mins

Take a few minutes to connect the discussion to your own life. Make a quick list of actions or questions to revisit later — they can become your One Action.

Think about a moment when being the Only affected how you showed up at work. What would it have helped to have? If you're not currently an Only yourself, how could you provide that support for others?

🎯 One Action · 3 mins

Commit to one concrete action — big or small — you'll take before next meeting. Go around the Circle and share (1 minute or less per member). Vocalizing it helps hold each other accountable.

This week, identify one person from Activity 3 to reach out to. Commit to setting up a one-on-one coffee chat or lunch where you can talk about your experiences at work.

📅 Wrap-Up · 5 mins

Before you break, plan your next meeting, and close on an energetic note. Go around your Circle one by one and finish the sentence:

Now I am feeling… (choose one word).

  • Set the day, time, and location
  • Choose the next topic or resource
  • Confirm who's leading the discussion
  • Decide how you'll stay in touch in between