Body language for power and influence

Identify when you naturally feel authoritative and approachable, and practice shifting interpersonal dynamics through your body language.

Mary ·

Before You Start

Goal: Identify when you naturally feel authoritative and approachable, and practice shifting interpersonal dynamics through your body language.

Watch: Power and Influence — Members are encouraged to watch beforehand, but a quick recap at the meeting works too.

Brought to you in partnership with Deborah H. Gruenfeld, Moghadam Family Professor of Leadership and Organizational Behavior at the Stanford Graduate School of Business and co-director of the Executive Program for Women Leaders.

Meeting Agenda · Approx. 60 mins

  • Member Updates · 10 mins
  • Icebreaker · 10 mins
  • Key Takeaways · 5 mins
  • Activities · 25 mins
  • One Action · 5 mins
  • Wrap-Up · 5 mins

👋 Member Updates · 10 mins

Go around your Circle and share personal updates. Keep them brief and focused on significant changes or important decisions since the last time you met. It's OK not to have one every month. If you have a One Action update from last time, share that too.

For example, a member update might go like this: "Since our last meeting, I asked my boss for a big assignment and got it. I'm thrilled but a little nervous [personal update]. For my One Action, I asked that coworker I've been struggling with out for lunch. She immediately said yes, and I was surprised by how easily we got along. I can see it helping in the office, and we're going out for lunch again next week—her invite! [One Action update]."

🧊 Icebreaker · 10 mins

In this icebreaker, take turns practicing thirty-second introductions—and then share what you saw and heard.

Split up into groups of three to four members, depending on your Circle size.

Each person takes thirty seconds to introduce herself to the group. When it's your turn:

  • Say your name
  • Describe what you do
  • Tell your group something they don't already know about you

When everyone in your group has finished, take a moment to reflect on how each member used her body while communicating. Without mentioning names, briefly jot down a few specific things members did with their bodies that were memorable. This could include things they did with their voices, faces, hands, heads, or even breathing. What impact did this body language have? How did it affect your opinion of them? How did it make you feel?

Things I noticed about other members' body language:

The messages and feelings it conveys to me:

Before wrapping up, come together as a Circle and share the body language you observed during your group's introductions. When it's your turn, share a specific example of body language—and the messages and feelings it conveyed to you. (If time is running out, have a few members volunteer to share their insights.)

💡 Key Takeaways · 5 mins

Review the key takeaways from the "Power and Influence" video individually or as a group.

  • People decide how competent you are in a fraction of a second — Factors used to determine your competence: 7 percent words, 38 percent presentation, and 55 percent body language.
  • There is a body language of power — Body language communicates power and status—who is leading and who is following. It also communicates psychological distance—feeling close or feeling remote.
  • Body language can shift the dynamics of relationships, interactions, and outcomes — To be perceived as authoritative, act high. To be perceived as approachable, act low. Do not try to act high and low at the same time. Match your body language to the message or intention.
  • Change your body language to change how you feel — Changing your body position changes how powerfully you behave. Hold an expansive pose or constricted pose for two minutes to change your body chemistry. An expansive pose will make you feel dominant or authoritative. A constricted pose releases stress hormones.
  • Male and female leaders may behave the same but they're perceived differently — Women who appear competent are often perceived as less likable. Women considered likable are often thought to be less competent. Men don't face this trade-off. Women can begin to address this dynamic by knowing when to act high and when to act low.

Playing high is the basis of being authoritative.

  • Keep a still head
  • Speak in complete sentences
  • Hold eye contact while talking
  • Move smoothly
  • Occupy maximum space
  • Lean back
  • Slow down
  • Spread your body to a full, comfortable position
  • Look down at someone (tilt your head back a bit)

Playing low is the basis of being approachable.

  • Nod in agreement
  • Smile even when it's not funny (a fake smile showing the top teeth)
  • Hold your hands near your face while speaking
  • Sound breathless or start sentences with "um"
  • Speak haltingly and in incomplete sentences, edit as you go, trail off
  • Adjust what you are saying to make others understand; explain yourself
  • Yield to the higher-status person in speaking—let her take the lead and drive the conversation
  • Take up as little space as possible; space constrains your body
  • When walking, move out of another's path
  • Check others' eyes briefly, looking for understanding and acknowledgment
  • Look up at the other person, tilting your head down
  • Lean forward to check the other person's responsiveness

🏋️ Activity 1 · 10 mins

Personal Inventory

  1. Spend a few minutes reflecting on when you feel authoritative and when you feel approachable. How and when does it play out? Whom are you interacting with? Jot down your answers:
    • When do you feel authoritative? With whom and how? You act high while being authoritative.
    • When do you feel approachable? With whom and how? You act low while being approachable.

Discuss as a group:

  1. When and with whom are you authoritative?
  2. When and with whom are you approachable?
  3. Share one example from the past month when you acted authoritative or acted approachable. What happened?

🏋️ Activity 2 · 15 mins

Practicing Skills

Now that you have started to identify when you feel authoritative and approachable, how will you use this to shift dynamics in your life? Practice shifting the dynamic in a situation or relationship.

  1. Break into pairs. Take turns answering the questions below about how you would like to shift the dynamic in a current situation or relationship—in other words, when do you want to be seen as more authoritative or as more approachable?
    • What is your goal for the situation or relationship?
    • What is the current power dynamic? How do you act? How do others act?
  2. Once you've both answered the questions, practice what you might do to be seen as more authoritative or more approachable to shift the dynamic. Then, practice moving between playing high and playing low during a single conversation—but don't do both simultaneously. Can you find ways to seem approachable in parts of the conversation and authoritative in others?
  3. After 3 minutes, switch and let your partner share.

Discuss as a group (a few volunteers can recap their conversations):

  1. What did you see or learn in practicing with your partner?

🎯 One Action · 5 mins

Commit to one concrete action — big or small — you'll take before next meeting. Have one or two members share (1 minute or less per member).

Think of something important coming up. This could be either a positive or stressful situation where you want to shift the power dynamic. You can start with small adjustments. Take a few minutes to write down:

  • The details of this upcoming situation. What is your ideal outcome?
  • Ways of moving strategically between being authoritative and being approachable in this situation. How will you use acting high? How will you use acting low?

Then, one by one, complete the following statements. Move quickly from member to member, and consider cheering one another on as you go.

  • Over the next month, I want to shift the power dynamic in ...
  • To do this, I plan to ...

In the next month, try acting high or acting low to shift the power dynamic in one important situation. Come back ready to share how it went: By acting high/low, what were you able to shift? What did you notice as a result? How did you feel during the process?

📅 Wrap-Up · 5 mins

Before you break, plan your next meeting and close on an energetic note. Stand up and take a step back from the group so you have space to move your arms. Take a constricted posture and say, together and at the same time, Now I am feeling… (choose one word). Notice how you feel about what you're saying. Then switch to an expansive posture, pause to notice how your body feels, and say the same statement again. Notice how your posture changes your feeling about what you are saying.

  • Set the day, time, and location
  • Choose the next topic or resource
  • Confirm who's leading the discussion
  • Decide how you'll stay in touch in between